My best friend died.
And on the 24th I’m going to lose my blog.
A years gone by, and shit in my kidney has calcified.
I feel like I’m running in a dream like I’m walking through fog..
Today was a slap in the face.
The universe giving me a reality check nothing will last forever.
You can ignore things you don’t like but it’s not just going to be whatever.
There are consequences for a lack of action you will not get better.
I feel like my concept of life and its construct has made me complacent.
I keep checking the clock trying to figure out where the fuck all my time went.
And if I die in this moment Gods not going to “hang on a minute”
“I Just need to hit send on that message I meant to have sent.”
I felt like I’d already outrun times hold on my existence.
Like since I died and came back death would just honor my persistence.
So I’ve been wasting my time acting like it doesn’t matter.
But today I lost a friend; I didn’t get to say goodbye to her.
I started my blog because i was trying to formulate a message.
And I’m still not sure what it is but I’m open to suggestions.
Congrats to me cause five long years ago I died on that table and yet I’m still here.
But I’m no miracle; I haven’t been living im too wrapped up in fear.
Wearing it like armor pulling it near.
It won’t protect you when they break in, won’t stop the aneurysm my dear.
I’ve been so scared of demons, been so scared of men, so scared of these ailments, of every procedure before i’d been.
Every time things get hard I’m so damn scared to die.
Thought if I sat here complacent death just wouldn’t even try.
Still every worst days now history, every challenge part of the past.
It gets more bittersweet with every friend I outlast.
But despite me not living; life’s still going by so fast.
I’m so scared one day I’ll wake up and my life will just be over..
But I just won’t wake up when it’s over.
I already miss her..
Written and owned by d3licate