So much death this year

I swear all of the people who truly see me are dying,

And I mean literally, they’re dead.

And tears run down my cheeks but I’m not sure why I’m crying;

But its 2 death 0 me on the last thing I said.

My final words to the last two were me bitching about my kidney stone..

I hear my alter in my head sarcastically asking me “but did you die? No they did and now you’re all alone.”

I miss my great grandmother,

Cause God it’s hard to be a light in the dark,

Hard to love with all this hate it’s gasoline and I’m a spark..

I already feel burnt up,

So burnt out,

And reality is setting in,

Outside I just look normal, but inside I’m so broken,

my mutated muscles hiding so well beneath my skin.

I was maybe eight the first time I dislocated my shoulder,

And mom always told me if I kept sitting like that I would regret it when I got older,

When I was young it just made me laugh,

Now as an adult I just grow even colder.

No cure.

They’re not the words I wanted to hear,

But all the research I’d done couldn’t have been more clear,

My diagnoses now confirm my biggest fear.

“When it gets bad, we’ll do something about it”

My rheumatologist was a liar,

Just like my allergist might be fired,

Because,

“The good news is you dont have allergies you have mast disease and mast cell is easily manageable with OTC meds and high doses of antihistamines”

Do you even know what “easily manageable” means?

It means no more shampoo, no more creams,

forget about makeup,

you don’t have to give up; you’ll just need to change your dreams.

It means not going out, it means forgetting the shower.

Rescheduling plans hoping you’ll feel better in another hour.

It means no more cooking cause I can’t stand at the stove,

Just one more on the list of things I can’t do that I used to love.

What kind of quality of life is this? How is this symptom management?

I can barely even feed myself, I can’t make money and all mines been spent.

Help; help; I need an adult,

I don’t know how to handle this I’m sorry it is not my fault.

I miss my great grandma..

Cause now it’s hard to see the light in the dark..

Written and owned by d3licate

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