I don’t want to be around people,
I want to stay glued in my phone,
I don’t want to be social,
But I don’t want to be alone.
And I don’t want to think about all the shame, guilt and doubt,
But even as I yammer on these thoughts are all I think about.
I feel like a robot,
Like a downloaded program,
Not capable of outside thought,
Stuck in the loop installed on my RAM
I’m a puppet, youre up there pulling my strings,
I’m a flightless bird because you plucked my feathers from my wings,
And now I’m falling and not head over heels,
I may not know love but know this is not how it feels,
If you love something you let it go and if it comes back then it was real,
I keep returning everytime, but I return out of fear.
Tell me how long did you hide away that dirty dinner spoon,
Thinking that you’d actually found something, but it’s just food and you look like a loon,
How you insult me, you truly think I’m that dumb?
And that’s like a slap to my face, God it stings.
Honestly, I can’t believe you sank so low,
After you came with me to get my tattoo that said “my scars turned to flowers beauty in the way they show”
So you still see a junkie? Unless the whole things just a lie,
An excuse so you can feel good about leaving me high and dry,
I use you?
Welcome to my life, here I’ll turn around and hold my hair up so you can see clearly where you want to insert the knife.
All those arguments where I screamed at you “you don’t even care”,
And your lies about how “it’s all for you”.
It’s safest to just assume nothing you said has ever been true.
Now I stare at my reflection and I beg her “don’t come back this time,
You can figure it out, you can nickel and dime,
I beg her this time mean it when you go,
You shouldn’t have to still defend yourself, if he loved you he’d already know.”
“If he loved you and he was really scared you’d gone back to shooting up, he wouldn’t tell you to pack up and get out,
He would know something must be really wrong, he’d ask what was it about..”
I want to promise myself this time I’ll be strong,
But if I don’t it’ll hurt me less if I’m wrong.
Sometimes the easy way is really the hard way.
Written and owned by d3licate.