Hypocrite

They say the people we dislike the most, are usually the ones we most resemble.

It’s easier to act like you’re better and call them annoying; then it is to look in the mirror.

Projection;

Something everyone sees that you do.

Well that is everyone but yourself when the one projecting is you..

You think you made me, but you didn’t help me not one bit.

Well, not to be a hypocrite, you might’ve helped a little bit..

But I’ve managed this light all on my own,

I kept taking life’s punches hit after hit.

beaten and bloody from the hand I was shown.

Life’s still beating me.

Most days I just want it all to stop,

I beg myself not to get back up, knowing one blow and I’m just going to drop.

I tell myself I can’t do it, I can’t do this anymore.

Searching for a way out and I can’t find a door so I just stay on the floor.

I guess when you’re fighting life; you know you won’t be leaving with it.

“well life’s not fair” blah blah blah; it’s all bullshit.

Life’s hard, and it hurts and guess what none of us will survive.

It’s not really a fight you win, it’s not a fight you’ll leave alive.

But how many rounds can you go?

How many times will you climb back up on your feet?

and what made your fight worth it?

Did you show bravery as you faced your defeat?

We’re fucking stuck here. We didn’t choose to be alive,

and there’s no instruction manual nothing to teach us how to survive.

We’re not good students we’d rather fight the truth than to learn,

and though happiness should be a given its something a lot of us have to fight to earn.

you don’t listen.

it goes into one ear straight through than back out,

You don’t like not having the answers it fills you up with insecurities and doubt.

You’re growing bitter; the angers turning you cold, and no one likes a quitter but the fight is getting old.

“it’s hard to be a light in the dark” because you can’t ever let down your guard,

but when it seems the darks got you sputtering out is when you’ll realize staying lits not that hard.

Theyre the ones fighting to put you out, meanwhile light is just who you really are.

But you can keep fighting, if that’s what you want, and while you’re losing to life; death will be on the sidelines to taunt.

Broken bones they heal, and cuts will fade out to a scar.

and someday down the road you will not find them when you tell the story of why you are who you are.

You aren’t special because you think you’ve had it all so much worse.

Inside every humans a narcissist who swears “no you don’t get it my life’s actually the worst”.

You aren’t cursed. God didn’t special pick you out of the pack and say your life’s going to be pure torture while I cut all the rest a little slack.

We’ve all been through shit and we all have our pride,

We all carry secrets that we’ve buried inside.

But it doesn’t make us stronger cause we’ve been through harder things,

What’s important is how many times did you keep getting up? how many times did you dodge his swings?

But if you’re a fighter and you’re refusing to sit down and learn.

Then suck the bad shit the fuck up, cause you agreed to eating shit and rug burn.

Written and owned by d3licate

Wouldn’t do a single thing any other way

I can’t remember if I’ve ever been quite this broke,

In more ways than one.

Watching my life as it goes up in smoke,

so ready to be done.

Cause they say not to fly too high, but when you’re soaring through the sky, it’s so very easy too get too close to the sun..

And I wonder if I could go back now knowing the cost,

Looking back at my mistakes and at all that I’ve lost,

Would I make different choices would I use what I’d learned?

Would I choose to soar lower now that I have been burned?

Would I choose to be different cause my skin it still burns..

Would it be any different if I took different turns?

In my dreams I see the faces of all I have scorned,

And all that I’ve lost, all the friends I have mourned..

In the past I’d be overcome, I’d fall to my knee,

Screaming at God, asking “damnit, why me?”

Back when I questioned him, “blessed or am I cursed?”

When life felt surreal like it’d all been rehearsed.

Deja vu, felt like I’d done this all before,

Vuja de so familiar but I’m just not quite sure..

Maybe I’m special or maybe I just personify,

Could it be supernatural, is there more to this than meets the eye?

Sometimes I think that all I know is a lie,

It makes it hard to get up, makes it so hard to try..

And though I don’t want to be like this, there’s so much I’ve overcome,

And though I see my reflection and do not like who I’ve become,

I’m not sure given the chance I’d change the choices I’d made,

All those times I could’ve left I think I still would’ve stayed.

Because if changing my choices meant changing who I am,

Then I’d do it all over again,

goddamn,

Because if changing my choices changed being with you today,

Then I wouldn’t do a single thing any other way.

Written and owned by d3licate

Living your life’s so much better than pretending..

Feels like I’m in slow motion, While the world’s on fast forward.

Like I’m stuck out in the deep end nose barely up above the water.

Lately I’ve been waking, drenched in sweat like I just showered.

Been ignoring my mom’s texts cause I don’t feel like a good daughter..

What’s the point in asking, we already know the answer.

Lately I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Can’t seem to change my ways, need to be rewired.

And I can’t accept that I’ve been standing still so long,

That moving now is not normal it’s what feels wrong.

I know I’m almost ready,

My gears begin to shift,

But my direction isn’t steady,

Parts of my mind still ripped..

How do I keep going,

How do I move on from here?

It kills me the ” not knowing”,

Paralyzes me with fear.

Here’s a wake up call;

We’re all unprepared,

It doesn’t make you less brave to admit you were scared.

Wake up call,

You will always find the strength,

And the importance of your journey isn’t defined by your stories length.

Keep writing your story,

Don’t fret so much over its ending,

Because living your life’s so much better in the end then just pretending..

Written and owned by d3licate

Sometimes I wish to be forgotten

I used to wish they’d all forget me..

So I wouldn’t feel their disappointment.

I couldn’t live up to the potential, that they all seemed to see in me..

I used to walk with purpose..

Even when I didn’t know what it was, it wasn’t lost, I just hadn’t found it yet,

But lately I’ve been aimless..

Too scared to jump, caught in the “helpless” net.

Because if I’m choosing to fail, somehow that’s not failing at all.

Feel like I’m wasting my life by not jumping I just anticipate the fall..

But if they say I’m a failure at least I chose to make that call..

Unfortunately for success, learned helplessness is a brick wall..

Lately I feel frozen, my life’s paused while the world’s on fast forward.

And Though nothings set in stone, isolations all I’m headed toward..

Feels like I’m giving my all but I can barely keep my grip..

To my sanity,

but the vibrancy,

of my smile starts to slip..

Not looking where I’m going keeps on causing me to trip..

And yet people I encounter always remark on my strength.

“How do you keep it together?”

Treading water while everyone else has just sank.

I’m not strong.

And life keeps on proving me right, when I wanted to be wrong..

I just wish they didn’t miss me..

I just wish that when they looked at me they could see the ugly..

Wish I could crack open my skull and let my poor mind free..

Trapped behind wall after wall bound by scars that none will ever see,

by a person I could never be,

behind unrealistic expectations that I perceived someone had set for me,

Awhile ago I stopped fearing my demons and began fearing that the demon is actually me..

And I’m so scared someday I’m going to wake up and realize my whole life is over,

But I won’t wake up when it’s actually over,

Just like I can’t wake up when I’m all the way sober..

Just like I won’t see straight until I’m finally sober..

I don’t get high anymore..

It’s not the drugs it’s just me because high is just normal,

And anytime I get sad and I cry I’m “hormonal”..

I can’t just admit that I’m sad..

Because at times it seems nothings okay its all bad..

The only time I accept I’m depressed is when I’m mad.

But despite others telling me my life’s not so hard,

Despite them calling me lazy, and pulling out the “hypochondriac” card,

Despite the million and one times I’ve had to let my pride go,

I pray that each new day is the day I will grow,

I pray everyday that my scars will not show,

Maybe today is my day; you never know..

Written and owned by d3licate

Missing

For so long I’ve been fighting for this idea of free;


Been wounded so many times fighting for what I thought was me;


Who is me?


Some days I don’t even know;


And I don’t know where I’m going because I’ve got nowhere I want to go.


I’ve been down, but I was up, I’ve still got nothing to show;


A lot less people hit me up now that I don’t have all that money to blow.


And I could feed you some bullshit like “I don’t know how this happened”.


But though I didn’t know the fine print how else did I expect it all to end?


Find myself in the mirror and to me I do not look the same.


Took on all the blame for others,
And between me and her there’s no one else to blame.


I know that I’m crazy, literally certifiably insane.


And not only because of the needle that once lived in my vein.


Yet recently I feel I’m the only one around that’s sane.Or is it just cause I recognize my fatal flaw is my own shame.


So I asked the girl in the mirror;


“Are you a bad person?”
“And all those choices you made, what made them worth it?”


“Was it done out of hate? Or were you just hurtin?”


“You fight with yourself, tell me who threw the first hit?”


“Did you pick up your pieces but you couldn’t make them fit?”


And at this point my reflection she no longer denies,
When I look in the mirror it no longer lies.


I’m so lost,


bound by some invisible contract I signed without knowing the cost.


I thought I was enough that I could spread it around.
Some pieces I’ve lost will never be found.


Now my insides feel empty;

too scared to look for the hole.


Damned to spend this lifetime not all the way whole.


Found myself trapped scared I’ll never be free,
Can’t ever be alone but I’m used to lonely.


Feels like I’ll never fit in just quite right.
Like I’m the last puzzle piece that got lost out of sight.


Worried that something will just always be missing,


And while they shoot for the stars I’ll always just be down here wishing.

Written and owned by d3licate

You’re a mean one mr. Grinch

Anyone who takes the time to wish me merry Christmas beware,

It’s the anniversary of my first suicide attempt which I love to share.

Merry Christmas,

Merry Christmas indeed.

A whole day for me to sit and wallow in my own greed.

I don’t deserve shit, but what I gets never enough.

I didn’t make a list, I’m lucky I didn’t get none.

But the real present will be if your fist doesn’t leave any black smears on my face.

I’m not sure what you want but I’ve been trying to give you space.

I just want the chance to go home tomorrow,

Pretend I’m all happy, it’s Christmas for an hour I can shed my shroud of sorrow.

But Christmas eve came and went and I’m depressed.

And I feel that all too familiar question tinkering round in my head..

What’s the point?

It’d be better for everyone if you were just dead.

Hindrance,

Burden,

You’re just holding them all back.

Selfish,

lazy,

You take without giving back,

One year clean doesn’t matter cause your lifes still not on track.

Now my bowls almost empty and I dropped it but it didn’t crack.

I’ll call it a Christmas miracle and laugh to my friends,

But I’m alone.

Merry Christmas.

Written and owned by D3licat3

Am I?

I know I’m not a fucking idiot but I feel like one.

Perhaps because I don’t know know why I would or wouldn’t be one.

All I know is my instincts are screaming to run.

Whatever this game is you win, I am done.

Cause I just cannot do it, cannot feel like this.

Thinking back to highschool railroad tracks go up the wrist.

I’m not made of stone.

But you just keep on chipping.

Tearing flesh from bone,

Don’t know how I’m still breathing.

Sorry I think I need to go.

I just can’t do this anymore,

You need to let me go,

What are you even holding on for

You hate me you’ve made it so very clear.

Made sure I could hear it, when I couldn’t even hear.

And so I think,

I think I need to go,

There’s something I am missing and I don’t want to know

You’ve left me beaten with bruises that show,

Yeah I really think I have to go

Written and owned by D3licat3

I can turn up the brightness

My instagram photos don’t show the holes in my teeth or the scars on my skin,

If you don’t look too careful you won’t see the secrets hiding behind my grin,

And my eyes tell a story but the endings still unknown.

I can hide the pain and the loneliness behind the screen of my phone,

But at the end of the day when I need someone I’m still alone.

Cause I can turn up my brightness, I can decrease the contrast,

I can erase a blemish, but it won’t erase my past.

I can cover up the track marks with black colored ink,

Purple hair dye hides my hair loss, stains like bruises in the sink.

But under the filters I’m riddled with scars,

They connect like constellations some fading like stars.

And there’s a story about the battles and the blood that was shed,

And the pieces she remembers, the parts that couldn’t survive her head.

Have you ever felt the pain of losing part of your soul?

Stuck living the rest of your life not quite whole.

Searching for something you can never get back,

The only way to accept it was to add another track.

Ask the girl in the mirror ” are you a bad person?”,

“And all the things that you’ve done, what made them worth it?”

“Was it done to cause pain, or were you just hurtin?”

Ask the girl in the mirror, “why do you stay?”

“you’ve had plenty of chances could’ve gotten away”,

“you’ve done it before know that you’ll be okay”

“You refuse to accept it, you’re hung up on a wish”

“DONT TAKE THE BAIT YOU’RE NOT A FISH!”

Touch the girl in the mirrors bruised up face,

This isn’t your fight, get out of this place.

And teardrops like the glitter that sparkles on her eyes,

If you don’t pay attention you wouldn’t know that she cries,

Because instagram filters and makeup they’re lies,

All they are, are tools she uses to help her hide,

The fact that she’s empty, it’s all buried inside.

And the girl in those photos has long ago died.

Written and owned by D3licat3

Please God I’m not strong enough

If you get in your car and you drive off,

Don’t expect me to wait for you.

I’m just not that patient; I’m not strong enough,

Put yourself in my place, I mean; what would you do?

You wouldn’t; but I guess that’s what I meant.

You’d get in your car, leave, and wouldn’t tell me where you went.

Don’t get in that car, God please don’t drive off…

Cause I want to say i’d wait; but im just not strong enough.

And I can’t stand it, don’t want to do this anymore.

I always think I want to leave, but I’m still so damn unsure.

But I’m telling you if you get in, and if you drive off;

I won’t wait for you.

Written and owned by D3licat3

Tell me..

Tell me,


Do you know what it means to be broken?


Do you know what it means to look in the mirror only briefly?


When you leave the truth unspoken,


When you hardly recognize the person you see.


How much did you have to give up?


In order to meet someone else’s idea of good enough,


How bad did they hurt you?


I tell you I know broken,


I’ve met shattered,


I’ve heard you speak the words you never even mattered,


It was through your actions.


Well I tell you,
I found out the hard way that the truth isn’t easy,


Someone broke me despite all the warnings.


And hindsight sure is 20/20.


When someone else blames you for their transgressions..


Ask me why I apologize for everything?
Oh I’m so sorry.
Walking on eggshells.


Do you know what it means when I say I would do anything?
Do you know how it feels to be left wondering?
Is there anything more I could have done.
Being broken is so tricky,
Hurting others when your hurt yourself is way to easy,
But I understand completely.


Tell me?


Do you know what it means to look in the mirror and wonder what more you can change to make yourself new?
To just be someone new?
When someone steals so many pieces you have to rebuild.
Tell me is it true?
That eventually the hurt will go away?
That someday maybe I’ll love again?
Tell me do you feel guilty?
For stealing something so precious from me?
When you try so hard to make someone else happy?
you forget yourself, and now piece after piece is being ripped away.


Do you know what it means to be destroyed?
To have to fight to look the loved ones you have left in the eyes?


Tell me,


Do you know what it means to truly feel not enough,
You did everything you could but it was just too tough.
I wonder if you can ever be unbroken..
I’ll leave what I see in the mirror unspoken.
It’s too late to take it back but I’ll keep working,
Towards a future won’t look back.


Tell me,


Have you ever said a goodbye that hurt so bad.
Did you ever think that you would be this sad?
I was naive.


Tell me?


Do you understand?
What it means to tell yourself nothing else just breathe.
When every thought makes you count four seven six,
Begging your brain just stay focused.


Well tell me?


why I can’t even think of you without this pain in my chest and this lump in my throat,
Feeling like I’m sinking but I know I’m still afloat.


Tell me..


Have you ever been broken..


Do you know what it means to be broken?

Written and owned by D3licat3