Two years.

Two years;
          

It’s going on almost two years now since I finally got sober.

Yet it still hangs over my head like a thundercloud and I wonder will it ever be over?

Would you still have asked me where that needle went if I’d never let the needle own me?

Is it really still so easy to warp my picture once again into one of a junkie?

No one puts a needle in their arm because they love themselves,

No one puts a needle in their arm just cause they love getting high,

I proved myself wrong when I put the needle down,

I did some serious growing from then until now..

But when the question leaves your mouth

“What happened to the needle that was in this box?”

Wow.

You must really think I’m dumb as rocks.

I can buy a pack of ten for a dollar at the Walmart neighborhood market pharmacy.

They wouldn’t ask me any questions it’s been two years but they may even still recognize me.

Why would I steal your mom’s autoinjector from your fridge.

I’m so disappointed I’m pouring gasoline and preparing to burn this bridge.

In my life I haven’t accomplished anything that I set out too,

But when I put down the needle I did something I didn’t think I could ever truly do.

And no one can take that away from me;

Especially not you.

Written and owned by d3licate

Missing

For so long I’ve been fighting for this idea of free;


Been wounded so many times fighting for what I thought was me;


Who is me?


Some days I don’t even know;


And I don’t know where I’m going because I’ve got nowhere I want to go.


I’ve been down, but I was up, I’ve still got nothing to show;


A lot less people hit me up now that I don’t have all that money to blow.


And I could feed you some bullshit like “I don’t know how this happened”.


But though I didn’t know the fine print how else did I expect it all to end?


Find myself in the mirror and to me I do not look the same.


Took on all the blame for others,
And between me and her there’s no one else to blame.


I know that I’m crazy, literally certifiably insane.


And not only because of the needle that once lived in my vein.


Yet recently I feel I’m the only one around that’s sane.Or is it just cause I recognize my fatal flaw is my own shame.


So I asked the girl in the mirror;


“Are you a bad person?”
“And all those choices you made, what made them worth it?”


“Was it done out of hate? Or were you just hurtin?”


“You fight with yourself, tell me who threw the first hit?”


“Did you pick up your pieces but you couldn’t make them fit?”


And at this point my reflection she no longer denies,
When I look in the mirror it no longer lies.


I’m so lost,


bound by some invisible contract I signed without knowing the cost.


I thought I was enough that I could spread it around.
Some pieces I’ve lost will never be found.


Now my insides feel empty;

too scared to look for the hole.


Damned to spend this lifetime not all the way whole.


Found myself trapped scared I’ll never be free,
Can’t ever be alone but I’m used to lonely.


Feels like I’ll never fit in just quite right.
Like I’m the last puzzle piece that got lost out of sight.


Worried that something will just always be missing,


And while they shoot for the stars I’ll always just be down here wishing.

Written and owned by d3licate

You see..

You see there are some things that I cannot quite remember,


But know I met my needle in the midst of last September.


Hi I’m Alex I’m addicted to meth,
Was in my first rehab by October fifth.


Although I leave I always do come back,
If not for love, or for destruction, than to add another track,


And not like the path, like the mark on a junkies arm,
But I swear my needle means well, she doesn’t choose to harm.


She promised me too that she would never leave me, but leaves me bleeding when she goes, her lover all I’ll ever be,


Yet stupidly I take her back every time,
After all whats one more mark along the well tread line.


And at first she handles everything, without a second thought,
Self destruction, love of agony, something shed always been taught.


She remakes me a junkie,
Her love desperately sought.
But the needles not enough, it always leaves me wanting more.
Kicking her out is agony, expounded by the slamming door.


She’s stained me, im tainted, I’m no longer pure,
And this disease it is deadly, and it has no cure.


Yet the only time that I can fail,
Is if I foresee that I won’t prevail,
Sometimes the future doesn’t seem so nice,
But I can live without her if I make the choice.


She builds these walls up around my heart,
Oh how they hurt me, they tore me apart,


And what a curse it can be to feel,
She leaves me with these poor veins that even time won’t heal.


I get caught in excuses,
Playing victim as if it’s a game,
Feeling like i am useless,
But I have no problem placing the blame,


Mercy me, I’m so helpless,
Without my needle blocking out my shame.


Each time the truth ain’t so lovely,
Is this who I want to be?


The other side can be deadly,
My needles lies they are killing me.

Written and owned by D3licat3